Ian Philpot

So my writing about Alan Staph hasn’t stopped. It’s so nice to be writing short stories again. It’s also nice to have a consistent character because I can get into his head and tinker with how he acts in different situations.

For that reason, I’ve decided to share five facts about Alan Staph.

Alan has a motivation problem. It’s not horrible, it’s just not good. As in, he doesn’t get much done at work. As a matter of fact, I’ve written about him being at work in two stories now, and he’s not done anything related to his job while at his desk. Though he did join the gym once to try to get sculpted like a Greek god, he stopped going after the first month.

Alan is quirky. Not much of a surprise, I know, but it’s true. Alan, like any software developer, loves having structure to life. That has made him a good introvert. But there are times when he’s stepped outside of his comfort zone to chase after a girl (who is always the wrong girl) or end up in some sort of mischief that immediately made him regret leaving his apartment.

Alan loves Bewitched. This may be part of his quirkiness, but it’s so good that it needs to live on its own. Alan has been collecting costumes and props from the 1960s TV show since he was in high school. While some of his friends were getting into sci-fi and anime, Alan adored Samantha, Darrin 1, Darrin 2, Endora, Aunt Clara, Uncle Arthur, and Gladys and Abner Kravitz. I don’t remember why this is important, but it is or was or will be.

Good things don’t generally happen to Alan. Do you remember that day when you stepped in gum, arrived late for an important meeting, were totally unprepared for said meeting, missed breakfast and lunch, found out your underwear was showing through a rip in your pants, and your friend called to say they were moving six states away? That’s most days for Alan.

Alan is likable. I only realized that Alan was likable tonight. I wanted him to be someone who you didn’t want to like, but that’s not who Alan is. So here I am, stuck with a character who is likable because of his good nature. I’m a little bummed about it, but I’ll get over it.